Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Letting It All Out- My Anger Towards My Grandmother

Sorry it has been so long since my last post- or at least one that had any substance to it. With Shaylee getting over her ear infection, conjunctivitis, and upper respiratory infection; the drama and death of my grandfather; and now with a middle ear infection and cold that is kicking my butt, I just haven't found much time to blog (I was lucky to have had a few minutes to put up a new layout that I had been working on a week ago). That and my mind has been completely too preoccupied and after reading this post, which I apologize in advance for, you might understand.

So here we go...

My grandfather's funeral is this Sunday. He was 72 years old and died at Hope Hospice. The reason I stated there was drama in the death of my grandfather, is due to the issues we are having with my grandmother, Lisa. Her daughters and my dad are quite furious with her. My aunts are upset that she rushed him into a home, but they are mostly furious with her behavior. My grandmother Lisa is very selfish, self centered, childish, and always manages to say the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times and is completely oblivious to it all. She is completely delusional. I don't speak of her negatively like that out of hate or anything like that (although I strongly dislike her)...but for the simple fact, she really, truly, is delusional.

She has been delusional for years now, completely convinced that her doctor and her are involved in a romantic relationship. She has gone so far as to pack a suitcase and carry it around in the trunk of her car for weeks at a time, convinced she and "the doctor" were going on a cruise together/moving in together/etc...since it changed each time you talked to her. One who did not know her would assume she was having an affair except she does not even know his name...he is simply referred to as "the doctor" or her "young man". This "love affair" has been going on for so many years, had it been a real affair, we would have seen him by now-especially since she isn't hiding anything apparently. She would go on to say how "the doctor" was upset at her for "not noticing him when he drove by, so he bought a Jaguar" so she would notice his flashy car. She would say how "the doctor" wanted her to leave my grandfather so he could have her all to himself and wanted to buy her all these diamond and jewelry but didn't because my grandfather would get mad. For such a heated romance, you would expect to have some kind of proof it exist, yet oddly enough there is none.

The way she described him, it sounds like a preteen girl making up an imaginary boyfriend to impress her friends. Except her fairytale man enrages her family. The day after my grandfather passed away she wanted to go shoe shopping (my mother took her to have her out of the hair of the other kids so they could grieve) and she had the nerve to say "well I guess the doctor is going to move in". Completely and utterly cold. My grandfather just died the day before! It took my mom, who is normally very respectful of her mother-in-law to snap at her "well if he has all this money then why aren't you moving in with him?! Why would he want to move into your house?!" I don't know what type of mental disease she has, but it is quite evident that she has something (I Googled her "symptoms" and came across Erotomania disorder which fits her to the bill) or something and it has completely destroyed her relationship not only with her children but her grandchildren as well. I want to brush off her bad behavior and blame it on mental disease but but her confabulation of life isn't her only fault that has her whole family to the point of not speaking to her....

My aunts were over last night, gathering any photos of my grandfather they could find for a memorial montage that would be played during the service. My aunt Tina was telling us of when my grandparents were buying their burial plot and such about eight years ago, my grandfather picked a plague that read "Together Forever" to be placed on their graves. My grandmother had the audacity to say "well, if I decided to be cremated instead, could we cash it in?" Here this man is, picking out a loving and symbolic plaque and she is thinking about the money?! Could she trade it in?! This is NOT a used car we are talking about here!

I also remember a Christmas where she pouted when she didn't get the jewelry she asked for. She got jewelry but apparently it wasn't the one she wanted (or the diamonds weren't big enough). Just like a child, sitting there with her bottom lip out and her arms crossed. My grandfather has always given her everything she wanted- cruises, jewelry...and she has always treated him like crap. My mom said in the 30 some odd years she has known my grandmother (my mom and dad have been together since they were 17), my grandmother has never been much of a mother or parent but more like one of the children herself. It was my grandfather that taught the kids how to do laundry, go grocery shopping, and played the parental role.

My grandmother is also very dramatic and starves for attention. The day my grandfather passed away, it was several hours until my father was able to say goodbye to him in the hospital as he was out on the water and it took some time to get back to shore, pull the boat out of the water and head back. My grandfather had already been gone for about three hours when my father got there. As my father was looking at him, quietly weeping, my grandmother came in and completely put on a show- leaning over my grandfather's body, crying out "Open your eyes, just open your eyes Manny!" It was completely unnecessary and inappropriate. Something you would see on a soap opera or dramatic movie. She knew very well he had passed and when her own son is saying his goodbyes she has to act like that. She even said "Well, he is never going to go fishing with you again". Even her grandchildren have been emotionally hurt by her.

My cousin Taylor is young, not even a preteen yet-maybe 8 years of age or so, and she walked up to her and said "Your grandpa is never going to be able to play ball with you ever again" when she was already quite upset. People are grieving- they do not need a heartless hag reminding them just how much he is going to be missed. Thank. You. Very. Much. My grandmother says and does hurtful things since she knows it turns the attention back on her.

Before my grandfather's death, when the Chaplin was talking with my grandfather, she even turned to him and said "If you only knew the things he did to me...I should be laughing right now." WHAT!!! The Chaplin only said "Well, thank God we have Forgiveness." I am sure he was speaking more to her than acknowledging what she had said about my grandfather. How could someone say that about their spouse-or anyone for that matter, knowing they are dying? That they should be laughing?!

I am sorry to have made this whole post all about bashing my grandmother Lisa. I really shouldn't but with the whole family upset and nervous on how this woman is going to behave at his funeral, it's just me getting out the frustrations I have. I never really had much of a relationship with my father's parents and I think it was my grandmother's rudeness and negativity (she was always saying something bad about somebody) that turned me and my brother- even my father- from spending anymore time with them than necessary.

I guess I feel guilty that my grandfather passed away and I never really got to be much in his life all because of my dislike for my grandmother. It wasn't fair to him to be so shut out of his grandchildren's lives. It wasn't fair that he had to live with her negativity for so many years, you could tell he was unhappy and embarrassed by her. I know I must 'show respect for my elders' and my batty grandmother is no exception, 'she is still family', 'blah, blah blah'...but I swear... if she says one bad thing about him at his funeral...I , and probably numerous people there-including her own daughters and son, are really going to lay into her! Everyone is so upset with her right now, I doubt anyone would think it inappropriate of me.

1 comment:

Neabear said...

My goodness. It is worse than I thought. I am sorry life was so hard for those around her. Very stressful indeed. I now wondered if your father died earlier than he needed to because of her behavior. That had to have been so hard on him. He was indeed a special man to have put up with her all those years.