Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Grr! I am feeling like such a failure. I was doing so good at not biting my nails and one stressful evening with Shaylee and they are gone. Just like that. I am not feeling very confident that I can stick with anything right now. I failed at losing weight and keeping it off as I gain all the weight I lost with Weight Watchers and am back to 140 lbs, the same I weighted when I first started in November of 2007. I failed at sticking with exercising. Even when I had the gym membership I went fewer and fewer times till I wasn't going at all. It is scaring me since I am enrolling in school. What is I don't have the willpower to stay motivated? Even my little study course I made myself to prepare for my temperment test flopped two weeks into it. About the only thing I have stuck with is quitting smoking. I am feeling low and out of control of so many things in my is frustrating me because nothing seems to work properly day after day, Shaylee is being so defiant that its driving me crazy......sigh. I think I need a glass of wine, LOL!


Neabear said...

I think maybe you should focus on the most important things. And don't beat yourself up over the others. One thing at at time. You mastered the quiting smoking. That step is done. The next step right now is school. Just continue to eat healthy as best as you can and focus on being a mommy and a student. Plus the job. You will have a schedule for school. The days you go to class, when the assignments are done. Also school is in increments. One semester at a time. It took me seven years of night school to get my OTA degree. It paid off. I thought of it as one week at a time, then one month at time and one semester at a time. I always knew when a semester was going to end and when the next was going to start. The entire time I was in school, we were living with my parents. I think it would have been a lot harder if we were not. Their support helped me a lot. And I was doing a 1 1/2 hour commute for school too. With several car break downs as well. I was ready to quit several times. But I told myself I had to finish this. I would regret it if I didn't. I really believe I had a guardian angel helping me along the way. Otherwise how did I get home safely? Never an accident. Sometimes I didn't remember what I just drove, as if I was driving on autopilot half asleep. But here I am over six years in this position and nearly double the hourly rate of my previous job. So yes it was worth it. Hang in there and work at it one step at a time, inch by inch. You can do it. Go for it.

Neabear said...

I have never been able to quit biting or picking at my nails. I am not going to beat myself up over that one. My focus now is to finish unfinished projects and get the house decluttered. One step at a time, I can do it.